(4:04:08 PM) Brad: You gotta be open-minded
(4:04:10 PM) Brad: But that means
(4:04:15 PM) Brad: You think the same way that I do
(4:04:55 PM) Travis: it means be: a hippie, a liberal, an obama fan, a wiccan/pagan, a feminist, and/or and idiot
(9:33:27 AM) Mike: it’s great taking a shit every half hour
(9:40:50 AM) Brad: That’s pretty much your dream life isn’t it?
(9:45:12 AM) Mike: yeah
(9:45:16 AM) Mike: shitting all the time
(11:58:15 AM) Brad: So basically after I win the lotto
(11:58:24 AM) Brad: I’ll make sure to show up at your place of work
(11:58:25 AM) Brad: Every day
(11:58:32 AM) Brad: Wearing a giant hotdog costume
(11:58:45 AM) Brad: Saying I’m in love with you
(11:58:52 AM) Mike: it’ll be a short stay
(11:58:59 AM) Mike: unless it’s a bulletproof costume
(10:06:26 AM) Mike: askdavemustaine is the the worst site
(10:06:27 AM) Mike: ever
(10:06:29 AM) Mike: it’s so shitty
(10:06:44 AM) Mike: i asked him if he likes leprechauns
(10:06:51 AM) Mike: and he starts telling me shit about his pets
(10:06:57 AM) Mike: i don’t give a f about your pets sir
(10:07:04 AM) Mike: i want to know some real s
(10:07:09 AM) Mike: about leprechauns son
(12:49:35) TAMUKellySue: hello
(12:49:55) TAMUKellySue: ?
(12:50:03) balthazaraggie: Why hello there.
(12:50:08) TAMUKellySue: who is this
(12:50:09) TAMUKellySue: ?
(12:50:54) balthazaraggie: An admirer, of course.
(12:51:03) TAMUKellySue: do i know you from somewhere
(12:51:47) balthazaraggie: Unfortunately for me, you do not.
(12:51:57) TAMUKellySue: well then tell me who you are
(12:53:43) TAMUKellySue: did you find me on facebook or do u know me thru someone
(12:54:48) balthazaraggie: Would you like a detailed account?
(12:54:59) balthazaraggie: Because I am willing to provide you with one upon request.
(12:55:15) TAMUKellySue: sure go ahead
(12:56:09) TAMUKellySue: how do you know me
(12:57:40) balthazaraggie: Today I decided that I wished to meet a fair lass for friendship and more if at all possible. I was perusing the Facebook and came upon the most comely of females I have yet to gaze my eyes on. This, of course, was you, and I was bound to attempt a communication.
(12:58:02) TAMUKellySue: well what is your name
(12:59:29) TAMUKellySue: ?
(13:00:35) balthazaraggie: My proper Christian name is far too banal to share at this moment, but you may call me Ricardo, a nickname I have acquired and by which all friends and acquaintances address me.
(13:01:15) TAMUKellySue: what year are you?
(13:02:03) TAMUKellySue: or your major?
(13:03:26) TAMUKellySue: or are you going to answer me
(13:03:50) balthazaraggie: I apologize. Nature was making a request regarding bodily functions and I felt the need to respond.
(13:04:30) TAMUKellySue: now that nature is done calling, answer my questions
(13:05:25) balthazaraggie: Your bluntness is slightly undignified, but of course I will oblige.
(13:05:49) balthazaraggie: I have graduated already, last May in fact.
(13:06:05) TAMUKellySue: why dont you just tell me your name..your real name
(13:07:21) balthazaraggie: If it makes any difference, Ricardo Perez Montalban
(13:08:38) balthazaraggie: Will this have any effect on our courtship?
(13:08:47) TAMUKellySue: i dont even know who you ar
(13:08:48) TAMUKellySue: e
(13:08:51) TAMUKellySue: are you on facebook?
(13:09:40) balthazaraggie: My dear, I realize that. Hence, my attempt to make contact with a lovely creature such as yourself, in order to rectify the inequity of our relationship.
(13:09:50) balthazaraggie: How does one begin except at the beginning?
(13:10:35) TAMUKellySue: not to be rude, but for one, we dont have a relationship because i dont know you, for two, this language doesnt work with me
(13:10:47) TAMUKellySue: excuse my bluntness, but as you can see, im thrown off by this
(13:11:52) balthazaraggie: You may use whichever parlance and manner of speech you wish, I however prefer this. If it causes you strife, I will refrain and attempt to speak in a way more pleasing to your ear, or in this case, eye.
(13:12:24) TAMUKellySue: yea please do
(13:12:49) balthazaraggie: Hmmm
(13:13:04) balthazaraggie: That will be most difficult, but I shall make the attempt in order to please you.
(13:14:10) balthazaraggie: Further, to address your earlier statement, I agree that our “relationship” is non-existent. Hence, I am making the attempt to begin on in the manner I think is best, i.e. a simple request and expectation of a reply, either positive or negative.
(13:15:11) TAMUKellySue: because you wont tell me anything its kind of hard for me to be accepting of this
(13:18:47) balthazaraggie: I will tell you whatever it is you wish to know.
(13:19:41) TAMUKellySue: thats nice that u are now willing to talk, but this isnt going to work
(13:19:54) balthazaraggie: Why is that?
(13:20:06) TAMUKellySue: because i am currently seeing someone
(13:20:48) balthazaraggie: Well, my dear, that is an excellent reason. Why did you not simply state this earlier in our conversation?
(13:21:28) TAMUKellySue: because i wanted to know who you were. and i never said i was going to be in a courtship with you, i just wanted to know who you were
(13:22:38) balthazaraggie: Well, I have told you my name. Further, it is very unladylike to string along a gentleman, knowing full well the circumstances of his interest. To you, I say madam, good day.
(13:23:12) TAMUKellySue: whatever i didnt string you along. i asked you your name, that doesnt imply that im interested
(13:24:08) balthazaraggie: Arguing is undignified. Accept my most heart-felt congratulations on you relationship, and I bestow a blessing that your first child is a male child.
(13:25:12) TAMUKellySue: why do you say things like that? you dont even know me so i think i have the right to be a little offended by what you are saying and that is not undignified
(13:26:26) TAMUKellySue: do you go star wars conventions and say things like “i come in peace”?
(13:28:35) balthazaraggie: Might I inquire as to why you believe an insult is somehow justified?
(13:28:43) TAMUKellySue: no
(13:29:37) balthazaraggie: C’est la vie. Good day.
(13:29:53) TAMUKellySue: boo ya
(13:30:48) balthazaraggie: It seems I was mistaken. One should never judge a book by its cover, and your comely cover disguises your putrid internal hatred for polite conversation.
(13:32:08) TAMUKellySue: polite my ass…u speak down to me because i dont respond how you wish i would..that doesnt make me undignified or whatever else you think, it makes me a female wanting to know who this random person is speaking to me in such a way
(13:32:19) TAMUKellySue: do you really think you would get a different reponse from other people
(13:32:34) TAMUKellySue: my guess is no
(13:32:48) balthazaraggie: It seems I have generated some interest.
(13:32:58) TAMUKellySue: not from me you havent
(13:33:09) balthazaraggie: And yet, you continue the banter.
(13:33:35) TAMUKellySue: it just baffles me that you think after a few lines of conversation that you want to be in a relationship with someone that you dont even know
(13:33:40) TAMUKellySue: im just justifying my actions
(13:34:05) balthazaraggie: You are gravely mistaken. I never asked for a “relationship” in the manner which you imply.
(13:34:18) balthazaraggie: I simply asked for the opportunity.
(13:34:19) TAMUKellySue: o sorry “a courtship”
(13:34:31) TAMUKellySue: why would i give you the opportunity when i dont know who you are
(13:34:49) TAMUKellySue: had i not been with someone else
(13:34:54) balthazaraggie: How does one meet a young lady these days except through meeting them?
(13:35:31) TAMUKellySue: uh this doesnt consitute meeting me. this is finding me on the internet and getting my screen name
(13:36:16) balthazaraggie: I agree 100%. My plan was to speak with you in this manner for a time, then meet you in the flesh, reveal myself fully, then ask for your hand in marriage.
(13:36:44) TAMUKellySue: do you really think i would agree to meeting someone who i met over the internet?
(13:37:18) TAMUKellySue: has that plan worked for you before?
(13:37:24) balthazaraggie: Perhaps not, but that was a chance I was willing to take.
(13:37:54) TAMUKellySue: well not most females are willing to take that chance, because there are some crazy people out there
(13:38:03) TAMUKellySue: maybe you should meet people you actually know
(13:38:22) balthazaraggie: Madam, I assure you I am not crazy, nor would I ever place a young lady in harms way, deliberately.
(13:38:33) balthazaraggie: Further, your statement is contradictory.
(13:38:39) balthazaraggie: How am I to meet people I already know?
(13:39:06) TAMUKellySue: meeting them when you are out with your friends
(13:39:13) TAMUKellySue: not thru the internet
(13:39:21) TAMUKellySue: forming relationships thru ur friends
(13:40:21) balthazaraggie: Unfortunately I have no true friends.
(13:40:47) balthazaraggie: All my friends are either homosexuals, in prison or suspected child molesters.
(13:41:34) TAMUKellySue: ok good luck with that. bye
(13:41:47) balthazaraggie: Obviously I have had bad luck.
(13:42:10) balthazaraggie: The only ladies I encounter at night are ones who require payment for services rendered.
(13:42:33) balthazaraggie: Were I to offer you one million dollars, might you take a chance and go on a lunch date with me?
(13:43:58) TAMUKellySue: first of all, i dont need the money, and second of all i find it offensive to be offered money to go on a date..thats not very ladylike to be accepting of that
(13:44:26) balthazaraggie: I agree wholeheartedly.
(13:44:42) balthazaraggie: Please excuse my previous statements about your character.
(13:45:54) TAMUKellySue: ok well my boyfriend is coming over so he can recieve his services without payment
(13:46:24) balthazaraggie: You remind me of a horse I once rode through the hills of West London.
(13:46:50) balthazaraggie: A great, nagging beast of ill temperament and gray, molted hide.
(13:47:22) balthazaraggie: But it was a great ride.
(13:47:33) TAMUKellySue: you were lucky enough to get that from a horse
(13:47:45) TAMUKellySue: i shouldnt be in the same sentence as that thing
(13:47:45) balthazaraggie: All horses are ridden.
(13:47:51) balthazaraggie: Whether they wish to be or not.
(13:47:59) balthazaraggie: Hence, the comparison is apt.
(13:48:30) TAMUKellySue: thats sick
(13:48:52) balthazaraggie: But yet you do not disagree.
(13:49:01) TAMUKellySue: yea i do..women are not horses
(13:49:22) balthazaraggie: No, I believe you spell it with a “w” in their case.
(13:49:53) TAMUKellySue: whatever. i hope your next horse ride kicks you in the balls
(13:50:49) balthazaraggie: That sounds like a wonderful experience.
(13:51:00) balthazaraggie: Testicle pain can result in pleasure.
(13:51:11) TAMUKellySue: bye
(9:25:44 AM) Mike: what’s better
(9:25:47 AM) Mike: finding out from her
(9:25:54 AM) Mike: or earlier by e-stalking
(9:25:59 AM) Brad: Look
(9:26:06 AM) Brad: They’re all fat
(9:26:14 AM) Brad: I’m not “finding out” anything
(1:51:09 PM) Mike: what is with these freaks explicitly stating that they are sooo sarcarstic
(1:51:15 PM) Brad: Yeah
(1:51:16 PM) Brad: I know
(1:51:19 PM) Mike: that just means they’re so gd bitter about being fat
(9:13:08 AM) Brad: I can’t believe you’re getting paid to jackoff
(9:13:26 AM) Mike: literally